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Jokes, the old school style

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Jokes, the old school style

Postby Dr_Starfart » 13 Nov 2016 20:47

Hello mr sexiis (I am actually spelling it out although fgts is much shorter and easier),
This thread is for jokes that are written and not memes or some shit, they can be long and they can be short, as long as you can laugh about them yourself. I will start off with this one which I found quite a good old joke.

A young man from Minnesota moves to Florida and goes to a big "everything under one roof" department store looking for a job.
The Manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?" The kid says "Yeah. I was a salesman back in Minnesota ."
Well, the boss liked the kid and gave him the job. "You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did."
His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down. "How many customers bought something from you today?"
The kid says "One".
The boss says "Just One? Our sales people average 20 to 30 customers a day. How much was the sale for?"
The kid says "$101, 237.65".
The boss says "$101,237.65? What the heck did you sell?"
The kid says, "First, I sold him a small fish hook. Then I sold him a medium fishhook. Then I sold him a larger fishhook. Then I sold him a new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4x4 Expedition."
The boss said, "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a BOAT and a TRUCK?"
The kid said "No, the guy came in here to buy Tampons for his wife, and I said, 'Dude, your weekend's shot, you should go fishing.' "
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Re: Jokes, the old school style

Postby Sekundenkleber » 13 Nov 2016 21:54

tl; dr

A horse walks into a bar, bartender says: why the long face?
4Head 4Head 4Head 4Head 4Head 4Head 4Head 4Head 4Head 4Head 4Head
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Re: Jokes, the old school style

Postby Kriegerseele » 13 Nov 2016 22:10

Slartibartfart wrote:Hello mr sexiis (I am actually spelling it out although fgts is much shorter and easier) (I am actually spelling it out although mr sexiіs is much shorter and easier),
This thread is for jokes that are written and not memes or some shit, they can be long and they can be short, as long as you can laugh about them yourself. I will start off with this one which I found quite a good old joke.

A young man from Minnesota moves to Florida and goes to a big "everything under one roof" department store looking for a job.
The Manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?" The kid says "Yeah. I was a salesman back in Minnesota ."
Well, the boss liked the kid and gave him the job. "You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did."
His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down. "How many customers bought something from you today?"
The kid says "One".
The boss says "Just One? Our sales people average 20 to 30 customers a day. How much was the sale for?"
The kid says "$101, 237.65".
The boss says "$101,237.65? What the heck did you sell?"
The kid says, "First, I sold him a small fish hook. Then I sold him a medium fishhook. Then I sold him a larger fishhook. Then I sold him a new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4x4 Expedition."
The boss said, "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a BOAT and a TRUCK?"
The kid said "No, the guy came in here to buy Tampons for his wife, and I said, 'Dude, your weekend's shot, you should go fishing.' "


just plusrepping out of pity for your bad humour :tomatard:
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Re: Jokes, the old school style

Postby Dr_Starfart » 13 Nov 2016 22:47

SpongeBob SquarePants is the main character of the show, but Patrick is the star. >:D
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Re: Jokes, the old school style

Postby Xen » 13 Nov 2016 23:03

see thats why we use memes these days. your jokes suck Kappa
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Re: Jokes, the old school style

Postby Orrie » 13 Nov 2016 23:04

The only joke here is you Slarti.
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Re: Jokes, the old school style

Postby loxx_ » 14 Nov 2016 17:08

Keezo's mum.
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Re: Jokes, the old school style

Postby Dr_Starfart » 14 Nov 2016 18:23

A creepy guy goes to the park where some kids are playing with their mothers, he sits down on a bench and then he unzips his pants and takes his big veiny peepee out, he starts to HAAFAP . The mothers run to their children to cover their eyes and take them away, they scream "Think about the kids! Sicko!" in return to that the guy says "What do you think I'm thinking about?"
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Re: Jokes, the old school style

Postby somegras » 14 Nov 2016 18:29

What's blue and smells like red paint?

Spoiler:
blue paint


Credit to TheMarketGardener, hail bad jokes.
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Re: Jokes, the old school style

Postby Dr_Hamu » 14 Nov 2016 19:01

A code tester walks into a bar. Orders a beer. Orders ten beers. Orders 2.15 billion beers. Orders -1 beers. Orders a nothing. Orders a cat. Tries to leave without paying.
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Spoiler:
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Re: Jokes, the old school style

Postby somegras » 14 Nov 2016 20:56

What happens when you witness a ship wreck?

Spoiler:
you let it sink in


What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

Spoiler:
white vans


What is the difference between ignorance and apathy?

Spoiler:
I don't know and I don't care.


Credits to the same guy.
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Re: Jokes, the old school style

Postby Dr_Starfart » 16 Nov 2016 22:24

how much horsepower does a cow have?
Spoiler:
a Moooolion

Spoiler:
Really, how much though?
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Re: Jokes, the old school style

Postby Thoryk » 17 Nov 2016 10:23

Slartibartfart wrote:how much horsepower does a cow have?
Spoiler:
a Moooolion

Spoiler:
Really, how much though?


Slarti collecting reputation like a pro >:D
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Re: Jokes, the old school style

Postby Dr_Starfart » 17 Nov 2016 12:37

A Russian named Rudolf woke up one morning, looked out the window and announced "It's raining."

His wife said, "No dear, it's sleeting."

He replied, "Rudolf the Red knows rain, dear."
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Re: Jokes, the old school style

Postby Dr_Starfart » 17 Nov 2016 12:43

What's pink and swings from tree to tree?
Spoiler:
Tarzan in a ballerina suit
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Re: Jokes, the old school style

Postby Xen » 17 Nov 2016 19:20

I find just the right thing for this thread

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Re: Jokes, the old school style

Postby somegras » 17 Nov 2016 19:35

I feel bad for laughing. It's great.
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Re: Jokes, the old school style

Postby Dr_Oolen » 17 Nov 2016 22:48

Xen wrote:I find just the right thing for this thread

Image

I wonder what it is that triggers a laughing response. I do laugh at completely retarded jokes, but while i understand what is "supposed" to be funny here i dont find it funny at all (not in the "ohmagad, making jokes about someone getting hurt herpaderp racist derpaherp" sense)
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Re: Jokes, the old school style

Postby somegras » 17 Nov 2016 23:03

I think it is funny because of the surprise factor. It is something ridiculous that you won't expect. I remember seeing a great explanation, but I need to look it up.
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Re: Jokes, the old school style

Postby somegras » 17 Nov 2016 23:09

Maybe this is not that relevant, but interesting nonetheless.

Spoiler:
phpBB [video]
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