Jokes, the old school style

[Dr_Slartibartfart]

Hello mr sexiis (I am actually spelling it out although "fgts" is much shorter and easier),
This thread is for jokes that are written and not memes or some shit, they can be long and they can be short, as long as you can laugh about them yourself. I will start off with this one which I found quite a good old joke.

A young man from Minnesota moves to Florida and goes to a big "everything under one roof" department store looking for a job.
The Manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?" The kid says "Yeah. I was a salesman back in Minnesota ."
Well, the boss liked the kid and gave him the job. "You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did."
His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down. "How many customers bought something from you today?"
The kid says "One".
The boss says "Just One? Our sales people average 20 to 30 customers a day. How much was the sale for?"
The kid says "$101, 237.65".
The boss says "$101,237.65? What the heck did you sell?"
The kid says, "First, I sold him a small fish hook. Then I sold him a medium fishhook. Then I sold him a larger fishhook. Then I sold him a new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4x4 Expedition."
The boss said, "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a BOAT and a TRUCK?"
The kid said "No, the guy came in here to buy Tampons for his wife, and I said, 'Dude, your weekend's shot, you should go fishing.' "

[Sekundenkleber]

tl; dr

A horse walks into a bar, bartender says: why the long face?

[Kriegerseele]

Hello mr sexiis (I am actually spelling it out although "fgts" is much shorter and easier) (I am actually spelling it out although mr sexiіs is much shorter and easier),
This thread is for jokes that are written and not memes or some shit, they can be long and they can be short, as long as you can laugh about them yourself. I will start off with this one which I found quite a good old joke.

A young man from Minnesota moves to Florida and goes to a big "everything under one roof" department store looking for a job.
The Manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?" The kid says "Yeah. I was a salesman back in Minnesota ."
Well, the boss liked the kid and gave him the job. "You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did."
His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down. "How many customers bought something from you today?"
The kid says "One".
The boss says "Just One? Our sales people average 20 to 30 customers a day. How much was the sale for?"
The kid says "$101, 237.65".
The boss says "$101,237.65? What the heck did you sell?"
The kid says, "First, I sold him a small fish hook. Then I sold him a medium fishhook. Then I sold him a larger fishhook. Then I sold him a new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4x4 Expedition."
The boss said, "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a BOAT and a TRUCK?"
The kid said "No, the guy came in here to buy Tampons for his wife, and I said, 'Dude, your weekend's shot, you should go fishing.' "

just plusrepping out of pity for your bad humour

[Dr_Slartibartfart]

SpongeBob SquarePants is the main character of the show, but Patrick is the star.

[Xen]

see thats why we use memes these days. your jokes suck

[Orrie]

The only joke here is you Slarti.

[loxx_]

Keezo's mum.

[Dr_Slartibartfart]

A creepy guy goes to the park where some kids are playing with their mothers, he sits down on a bench and then he unzips his pants and takes his big veiny peepee out, he starts to . The mothers run to their children to cover their eyes and take them away, they scream "Think about the kids! Sicko!" in return to that the guy says "What do you think I'm thinking about?"

[somegras]

What's blue and smells like red paint?

Spoiler:

blue paint

Credit to TheMarketGardener, hail bad jokes.

[Dr_Hamu]

A code tester walks into a bar. Orders a beer. Orders ten beers. Orders 2.15 billion beers. Orders -1 beers. Orders a nothing. Orders a cat. Tries to leave without paying.

[somegras]

What happens when you witness a ship wreck?

Spoiler:

you let it sink in

What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

Spoiler:

white vans

What is the difference between ignorance and apathy?

Spoiler:

I don't know and I don't care.

Credits to the same guy.

[Dr_Slartibartfart]

how much horsepower does a cow have?

Spoiler:

a Moooolion

Spoiler:

Really, how much though?

[Thoryk]

how much horsepower does a cow have?

Spoiler:

a Moooolion

Spoiler:

Really, how much though?

Slarti collecting reputation like a pro

[Dr_Slartibartfart]

A Russian named Rudolf woke up one morning, looked out the window and announced "It's raining."

His wife said, "No dear, it's sleeting."

He replied, "Rudolf the Red knows rain, dear."

[Dr_Slartibartfart]

What's pink and swings from tree to tree?

Spoiler:

Tarzan in a ballerina suit

[Xen]

I find just the right thing for this thread

[somegras]

I feel bad for laughing. It's great.

[Dr_Oolen]

I find just the right thing for this thread

I wonder what it is that triggers a laughing response. I do laugh at completely retarded jokes, but while i understand what is "supposed" to be funny here i dont find it funny at all (not in the "ohmagad, making jokes about someone getting hurt herpaderp racist derpaherp" sense)

[somegras]

I think it is funny because of the surprise factor. It is something ridiculous that you won't expect. I remember seeing a great explanation, but I need to look it up.

[somegras]

Maybe this is not that relevant, but interesting nonetheless.

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